Meet Nick Besser, PI

Hi:
I'd like to introduce you to my friend and alter ego, Nick Besser, PI. He's choosing to remain out of sight because working as a PI all these years has made him a bit paranoid. I was hoping that meeting you might lighten him up a bit. God must have a sense of humor, and all that.

Anyway, we're hoping to coax Nick in out of the cold to resume his PI practice. In his PI, or "Private Investigator" role, Nick hunts down performance problems and bottlenecks and brings them to justice. As a seasoned professional he works with clients at all levels, creating a custom routine for each engagement. Oh, this guy has some stories! He could speak to industry groups and trade shows to promote HPT, or Human Performance Technology, his favorite methodology for achieving PI.

Actually, what Nick means by PI is as changeable as the weather. One day he'll say it stands for "Private Investigator", and the next day insist it means "Performance Improver". And when a low pressure front's coming through, he'll claim he's off to HQ to "Purge Idiots."

But, beneath Nick's reserve and stoicism, he's really a very deep and heartfelt guy. Although he never knew his real family, they did name him for for "nichts besser", a Germanic expression that means "none better." He considers it his life mission to fuel the drive to constantly grow and improve that he sees in the heart of every human being.

Nick is currently struggling to resolve his identity confusion. For one thing, he can't say whether his Germanic heritage is Amish or Yiddish. In long nights of research on the all-Yiddish search engine, Koogle.com, he disrupt sleepers with shouts of, "Chey, Barkeep! Gimme anudder Belt o' that Red Eye Borscht!"

Ahem. To resume our detailed analysis: Nick has assembled a rather complex identity from watching every episode of Mannix and other 1970s Private Investigator shows. But somehow, Nick has twisted his title to mean "Performance Improver". And occasionally he regards it as a license to Purge Idiocy throughout the organization.

Our own research into Nick's credentials has confirmed that he is impeccably qualified to satirize the current Security mania. And, as Nick likes to remind us, "Not even the bad guys are really all bad."

Our plan is to start out with some short skits, which we will later merge into a one-man show. Nick will then begin to recruit additional characters--covertly, of course. They will then melt away to a top-secret training camp in the mountains, to prepare a series of hard-hitting, action-packed radio dramas. We've already registered the domain name nickbesserpi.com. The name "Koogle.com" seems to have disappeared under a cloud of suspicion.

Before you decide to accept any other assignments, I must urge you to come up with some recommendations for upcoming episode themes. Your discretion in this matter is imperatif.

Suspensefully yours,

David C. aka Nick Besser, PI